A tale of despair and hope

Never had I fully appreciated the coaching prowess of Joe Thompson until this week. There's something about struggling to teach ten-year-olds proper dribbling technique that sparks a sense of kinship with the man who, a decade ago, did just that for me. Man, they just don't listen! And how is it possible for something so little to have such limitless energy? An unmotivated man might back away from the prospect of attempting to shed some knowledge on such spirited youths, but I know that I can't give up the fight. Keeping in mind the example of the man who cemented my foundation in basketball, I undertake my goal of doing the same for my own enthusiastic pupils. However, I also have a deeper, darker reason for such dogged pursuit of imparting on these kids a love for the game. My friends, I am at war.

Upon my arrival here, I discovered that there exists a sport called netball, which is the worst thing ever. Worse than our senior prank, worse than the Chicago Cubs, worse than eating peanuts.  It strikes me as basically basketball for people who hate basketball. Two main rules particularly pissed me off.

First, you aren't allowed to jump. What? This is actually a sport that forbids you from using natural talent.

Second, you aren't allowed to steal the ball. You can intercept passes, but being within a three feet of the ballhandler is illegal. Touching the ball when someone else has it is illegal. In fact, touching is illegal period if it gets in the way.

Just kidding.
There's no way I'm stopping at two.
Each position has a certain zone they are not allowed to leave. It's as if someone wanted to make a sport requiring as little effort as possible. I've seen people sweat more playing bocce ball.

Also, people don't dribble. Seriously, this is ridiculous. Watching it is kind of like watching Michael Scott, if The Office wasn't funny. Painful, embarrassing, and a waste of time.

They big tragedy is that while basketball is already not very big here, it is also regarded as a "guy thing". If girls want to play, they're often stuck with netball. If basketball ever plans on usurping its inbred counterpart's place atop South African hoops, people have got to get girls involved too!

Oh, and backboards don't exist. People rarely shoot from more than about 8 feet out. It would be called a layup... but you still can't jump.

This is why getting people in Mamelodi interested in basketball matters. I cannot morally let them live their lives knowing only netball.

Fortunately, the people here are really into basketball. After watching NBA games on tv (I was thrilled to find that the main channels here broadcast the good games), they are all excited about learning the sport, but don't even know what traveling is. When I brought a ball into Viva, they were too excited to actually be holding a basketball to listen to something as trivial as rules.

Still, I can't help but grin when, as soon as I arrive in the morning, a couple of kids run up and ask for the ball to play with. The way I see it, as long as they keep having fun they'll catch on to the specifics eventually. For now, all I hope is that they evade the tempting simplicity of netball before they wake up in 10 years in an existential crisis, cursing that fateful day when all meaning was sapped from their life by a sport which I can only assume was created by a man with the moral caliber of Dick Cheney.